if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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