she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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