My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
