Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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