Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
