Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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