Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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