people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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