He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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