Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize