Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
