I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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