guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
