Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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