so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
