dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
