Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am midnight drunk by noon
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
only you would photoshop your dick
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
