These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
