yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she woke up with a sticky ear
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize