can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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