I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
