he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize