call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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