i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize