He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
