This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
