I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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