Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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