i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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