I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
MIDGETS
????
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
