What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
