That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
