nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
