I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
