Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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