You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
