he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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