I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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