My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
