he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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