Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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