She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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