I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
