How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
