Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
