I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Barsexuality is the new black.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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