So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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