Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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