We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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