ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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