found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
