Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
