So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
