I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
