I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
