is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
