If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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