You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize