I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
