im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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