she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
