Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
