shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
