He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
