you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
