I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
