Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
