im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
