this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
