the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
