i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I heard we made out
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize