Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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