it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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