HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
