It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
