WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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