You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I could fuck to npr.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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