Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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